Dishing The Soaps!

The whole clan ended up doing the pregnancy scam although Myra tried to keep Theresa away from it. Hey one more belly to hide away more stuff. She ran away from Carmel who wanted her to clean at the shop. I think I’d run away too. Don’t nail salons stink anyway? There was this one place in Lakewood Mall that absolutely reeked. It had a rainbow sign and a bad smell. So what made her run off the smell or the thought of having to possibly scrub the toilet or perhaps do some sweeping?

I’m glad that the McQueens are on again because they’re just fun. But watch out because if you aren’t one of the girls you can’t just go around saying what you want. Oh poor Zak got stuck on the couch between Jacqui and Mercedes. Not a spot I’d want to be. No wonder Malachy moved because he knew better after sitting there before. Hello bad doggie for crapping on the carpet. You don’t often see that on a show but since this is a British soap you see things you just don’t see on the American ones and there’s the whole going at a much faster pace.

Dom faked being sick since he wanted Loretta to stay. They are just adorable. I’m glad she’s back because I really liked her on Hollyoaks Later. He totally deserves someone since he can’t just mourn Tina forever and ironically he has Ste to thank for getting her back into his life. So maybe there’s hope for that boy after all. I guess I don’t totally hate him after all it is obvious that his Mum did some serious damage to the boy.

Sure it is sweet that Warren took in Spencer but he really isn’t capable of taking care of him. He just doesn’t have the patience and oh yeah there’s the whole he’s a criminal thing working against him. The poor guy got scared because Warren yelled at him so he went into the car. If Warren wasn’t screaming at the poor guy maybe that whole mess could have been avoided. He shouldn’t have smacked him. He needs extra care so hug him instead of smacking him. He’s paying Sasha to hang out with him so it’s not like he’s with him that much. Maybe if he hired a nurse or something unless there’s a relative that could take him in.

Sasha should listen to Amy since she’s right about Warren. What does she see in him anyway? He is nothing but trouble for her and when Calvin finds out all hell is going to break loose and it will break loose again when he finds out about Nige. I’m thinking they won’t be having tea and crumpets. What in the hell is a crumpet anyway? Is it anything like a scone? I like scones but I didn’t like the carmel ones I got which were just weird. I do like blueberry ones. Oh Sarah who is next on your sleeping list? Maybe she’ll hook up with Ash. Well he’s cute or maybe she’ll try another girl.

That was sweet of Dom to go out bird watching or twitching. I think that’s what he said. Sometimes the words just baffle me. I think he said something about twitches. They should have subtitles or something so they can define the word because I don’t really speak British. Sure I know some but I’m certainly not fluent in it. Oops he sneezed and scared the bird away. That’s one timid bird. The birds around here won’t move if there’s food on the ground. There was a crow in the street eating something and he just refused to move.

Damn the episode before this one will just remain a mystery but I’m thinking I missed a lot with Sarah waking up in Warren’s bed. Say what? Why and when did this happen? Oh Archie just gives it up the girl doesn’t like you although it could be partly because you happen to be Zoe’s brother which is a bit weird although if she was in Salem instead of Hollyoaks it would be totally fine after all look at Chloe.

What in the world are Jacqui and Theresa up to. It looks like they’re stealing clothes. That was pretty clever to stuff them in her shirt so she just looks pregnant since no one will suspect the truth. Isn’t that just a laundry mat so why is Ash so crazy about the camera? Do I sense a potential something brewing between Ash and Jacqui? I guess time will tell.

At least Warren knew the first letter of Sarah’s name who he called Sandy. At least he made an effort. I have to wonder about how that happened. She is just full of bad decisions isn’t she? I’m surprised she hasn’t ended up pregnant herself. Who’s next Ravi perhaps? That would make it a foursome since Kris is still hopping back and forth between Nancy and Ravi. I do wonder when they’ll each find out about the other. Can they really get mad at each other since they are sleeping with the same guy?

Well Phillip is in full on crazy mode. Maybe Tony should get them along with a flak jacket for himself. Where has he been hiding? Maybe he was locked away in the basement with Anna who I haven’t seen in who knows how long. I wonder how he’s going to die since he’s the one marked for death. I thought it might be Kayla but with her recovering that kind of throws that theory out the window not that I want her dead. I just hope that Steve and Kayla have a better send off than John and Marlena did. Oh yes lets go to Switzerland to see if they can make me not dead.

That is a good idea to reveal the collar because he might come off as some kind of a perv. Good timing Padre although I’ve never seen you before. I never did find out what happened to that other priest who was in the hospital. I guess he went to the morgue or something since he was really old at the time. Maybe he’s locked away with the others that go missing. So Chloe spilled to him and even called herself a slut. Well that’s what happens when you hang out with Nicole you turn all slutty and bitchy. It really isn’t good.

After he gets sick of the pub Lucas ends up at the Cheating Heart. That’s a good place to go what with the name and all although it wasn’t her heart doing the cheating since there were other parts involved. Maggie was that really such a good idea to talk to him while he’s drunk? I’m thinking dumb, dumb, dumb. Get the dude to stop drinking and then tell him about the cheating Chloe. Telling him that is just going to make him drink more you dummy. Does she not know how to be a good sponsor because from what I saw she was really sucking at it? I guess she might be rusty since Lucas was sober for six years before he tumbled off the wagon and for Chloe of all things. I think I liked my version better what do you think?

So the sands are running through the days but it just looks like an hourglass to me. Things aren’t so great in Salem since folks are packing up and leaving. John and Marlena left so he could get fixed but at least his brain works and now Steve and Kayla are heading off into the sunset.

Chloe’s hair found Victor who was knocked down. Brady came in and fought Chloe’s hair that wrapped itself around his neck and started strangling him. He grabbed a letter opener and started hacking at the hair. The hair flew away to find Chloe who burst into tears at the sorry state of her hair. She took it as a sign that she should leave Salem forever. She bought a hat and called Daniel so they could run away together hoping he’d still love her even with her really bad hairdo.

Oh Yes I agree that Melanie is disposable. Talk about dumb giving EJ half of the plans. How did she know how much was half anyway? Was it labeled at the half point? She gave him enough to figure out the rest or his science lab guys to figure it out since I’m thinking EJ won’t be in the lab. So for someone who thought she was so smart she’s not looking so smart.

Phillip is crazy again since his temper is flaring. Will he toss a trashcan into the window again? I think his brain went missing or maybe he’s heading for a psychotic break. He totally misread Brady and EJ running into each other. Dumbass it was about Nicole not the bloody fuel thingie. Oh crap tomorrow’s episode didn’t get recorded so I’ll just do my own version.

That was a really close call for the triangle. Dumb Kris sending a text to both of them. Are they both lust machines? Wouldn’t he be the King Lust Machine since he’s with both of them? What will happen when they find out what’s going on? Well Nancy arrived first but thanks to Warren a big blowout was averted when he called Ravi back to work.

I’m glad Sasha apologized to Spense. The poor guy. I just want to give him a hug because he just didn’t understand that Sasha isn’t in love with him. She’s pretty much a babysitter. Besides she has her sights set on Warren which is just all kinds of odd. Am I the only one that finds that strange? I don’t think Calvin would be happy. That was a pretty close call since Calvin and Carmel walked back just after Sasha kissed Warren. I’m not so sure about a guy that killed his fiancee on their wedding day but of course no one knows about that.

I have to say that I’m rooting for Kris to win because I think I prefer him with Nancy. Where’s Spike? He’s cute so Ravi could have a go with him. The start of the episode was all kinds of weird. Was that Kris in the dark wig? Ravi’s wig wasn’t very good because you could see his real hair underneath. What is up with the British and those silly wigs? They even wear them in court which is just weird. Why do they do that? Or do they just do it on TV? They are the ones to thank for that crazy powered wig trend back in the days of yore.

Was that really a good idea for Calvin to get Carmel a new phone that meows when she gets a text? Isn’t he strapped for cash? Maybe cell phones there are cheap too since there are times when it looks like they give them away like candy. Well it did make her happy so that was nice. I like Calvin but lately he hasn’t been himself. I blame Warren for that. I’m still waiting for the fight since it is bound to happen especially with little sis into him. Even if he doesn’t find out about Nige I’m thinking he won’t be happy to hear that Sasha’s into him.

Oh Calvin it isn’t a good idea to start doing the double life thing where you’re a cop that’s also a crook. That was pretty handy of that stupid guy to leave the keys on the counter. Talk about dumb. That’s just asking for trouble. At least he got a car although it wasn’t red. Give the guy a break after all this is his first time isn’t it? I just wish he’d find out about Warren making him think that he killed Nige. There could be a fight with shirts possibly getting ripped off. Hey just because there’s a bad boy and one in training involved doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t make a pretty sight.

Poor Spense is totally head over heels with Sasha but she has her eye on Warren. She’s almost like a hooker with the whole getting paid thing and she just pulled the money right out in front of Spencer too. Someone should have sat him down and explained things and that wasn’t such a great idea to tell the guy that you love him. Sure I get that you meant as a friend but Spencer didn’t which is why he went in for a kiss. Her reaction was pretty extreme. You’d think he tried for a boob or something. It was like she was yelling at a puppy that peed on the carpet. He is a person after all.

What was up with the outfit anyway? I have to say that she looked like a hooker. Also I’m thinking it helped give the wrong idea to Spencer. He’s so sweet wanting a girlfriend but you don’t want this girlfriend because she’s being a total bitch. She didn’t have to yell at him. I need the slap button to smack her a few times for being so mean to the poor guy. Warren really should have sat him down and tried to explain things and Sasha showing up dressed like that made Spencer think it was a date especially with Warren gone.

That was nice of Dom to give Ste his job back. I really think it was his Mum. She’s a cow and it’s no wonder the kid is all screwed up but he’s trying to get his life together. I think Dom is a good influence on him and he should just stay away from his Mum. He just might be okay if he does that and he seems to really enjoy cooking although he might want to take a class on the different types of cheeses so he doesn’t toss cheese that is supposed to be stinky thinking it went off.

What are intelligent particles anyway? I love Carmel but she isn’t the sharpest file in the drawer is she? I guess that’s some ingredient in the lotion. That is odd how I mentioned Calvin modeling and in this episode he was supposed to model the cream. What was it for anyway? Was he going to hold the tube up next to his face? I guess he could squeeze some out and rub it wherever he wants to rub it. Okay that came out dirtier than I thought it would.

First of all I have to wonder just what EJ is doing. Is he constipated or something? Maybe he’s wondering where he left his brain after all his I guess cousin Brady was accused of missing his brain so maybe it runs in the family. Oops Nicole forgot that sex is a no no right after giving birth. Is someone inhaling bleach? Can’t she just self combust or something? Oh joy she’s creative. I find it creepy to have a baby nearby while Mommy and Daddy or in this case Fake Mommy are getting creative? Isn’t it bad enough that Nicole’s pretending to be her Mommy?

I don’t like the audacity. If she thinks Stephanie is so boring why is Melanie so I guess the word would be obsessed with causing trouble for her. She is playing with fire big time. I’m just waiting for her to get burned. Where’s the bonfire? Maybe I’ll get some marshmallows. Yes bitch is a dead on description of the girl. Oh yes that’s what every girl wants a guy that threatens to destroy her.

Things are not looking good for Bo and Hope. Why was Bo so stupid? I guess his brain could have gone missing too. She knew about his visions. I guess this was an outside the box way of breaking them up since someone wants to kill the soaps at least on a certain network that I won’t name. I’ll just say No Brain Channel which should be enough of a clue for you to figure it out.

I don’t blame Ste for throwing away the cheese. I wonder if that’s where that saying came from because there are some cheeses that are really stinky. What is it Limburger or something that smells like farts? Now I happen to like cheese but I’m picky about it so you won’t find any funky smelling cheese in the fridge unless it’s going off and that tends not to happen since I just get the pack of cheese that gets used pretty quickly. I feel bad for the guy and now he’s been fired. What will he do now?

Archie is just odd. Sure he’s trying to be Sarah’s dream guy but laying on the counter in his undies or are they called knickers if you’re talking about a guy’s underwear? So don’t turn a picture into a puzzle like he did because your sister might come along and do a little decorating and adding a little message about you being a bed wetter. I do wonder if Kris added a few touches himself.

Well Warren had no clue that Ravi was upstairs with Kris. So that’s what they call it so the next time you hear about someone leaving their credit card you’ll know what they’re talking about. I do wonder when Calvin will find out what Warren did since they won’t be buddies after that happens. He’s corrupting Calvin since the poor guy is so desperate that he’s willing to go naughty to get some money. Well needing money leads to a person getting very desperate. Hey why doesn’t he model men’s underwear. Well I’m not blind the boy is pretty fit as you Brits say. I don’t object to shirtless and in undies not at all.

I bet Ste’s Mum is the one that took the money or shall I say nicked? Is it with a K or just an N? Some words are weird with letters silent. If the letters are silent why do they need to be there? Doesn’t that just confuse people that are learning English? I know about confusion but English is my first language so I guess I’m used to the weirdness of words and England has some weirdness too with extra letters in words not to mention those weird words that just fly over my head. At least I found out what the butter was since it was bitter. Oh the weirdness of accents and how many times will I use the W word?