Dishing The Soaps!

I’m just loving Rafe more and more for trying to help Sami out. This is a tricky sitch wanting to protect Grace even though she isn’t really EJ’s baby and announcing to everyone that she adopted a baby. Didn’t they notice that bathrobe she was wearing when she left to go off to Witness Protection? Also little Johnny pointed out her belly. So people are just stupid. Oh yes I guess it could be explained as holiday weight gain since you’re supposed to gain like ten pounds during the holidays. Well isn’t that a cheery thought. So he’s trying at least to knock some sense into stupid Will who is acting like Sami abandoned him which is stupid since he left of his own free will and did I just pun there? Yes Will you totally are a jerk.

Poor Sami this isn’t going to be easy. Would they be jumping all over her if they knew she was pregnant instead of saying she adopted the baby? Who the hell are people to say anything anyway? It’s not like she has a litter or something. This would be baby number four which isn’t that high since there’s that crazy woman that has the ocptuplets along with six other kids who shouldn’t have been allowed to have the other eight. That doctor was all kinds of stupid. Who the hell would want that many kids anyway and maybe Will should start to worry after all he’s just an annoying shit now. See that’s the horrors or recasting they could totally ruin the character which is why I don’t want Wes to turn out to be Eric.

I just want to slap Nicole for not saying anything. Just speak up bitch and tell the truth for once but of course I’m thinking Stefano’s version of the truth isn’t based in the reality of actual truth. All she has to do is say that it was an accident so that lame ass excuse about not wanting to speak to Hope after getting arrested for Trent’s murder is pretty weak. Poor Phillip but at least Victor is showing some concern even though he disowned him. So does this mean he’s undisowned or reowned? I’m not sure how that works. Well he would need help from Victor if he needs a lawyer and hopefully it won’t be Mickey since he’s the world’s worst lawyer.

I’m glad that Caroline decided to go over and help Sami out. Roman’s being a moron and no I’m not being colored about the weirdness of him being in the vision with Hope. He really does need to get laid but not with Hope. I’m still all kinds of puzzled about that. Caroline had more than four kids and come on she’s a pretty kickass mom so Sami can do it and besides Will is sixteen so he’s almost a grownup. I think someone needs a lecture. So good on Grandma for coming to the rescue after all they did adopt Frankie and Max.

Poor Tony is trying his damnedest to tell EJ about Nicole’s secret but it’s not like he can speak. I wonder if he’d be able to speak if he was impaled in the ass. I just want to slap Nicole around because she’s being so damn annoying. If you keep jumping around people are going to start suspecting something Sure Tony can’t say anything and of course he won’t be able to spill the beans before the end comes and I’m thinking Anna won’t be around either since I think she’s already gone. Oh the end is coming for this soap after all look at all the people who are leaving and still Stefano lingers around like a boil on the ass. Damn all stupid EJ got was a bloody B. Maybe if he wasn’t yelling at him Tony could have held on longer.

Right on Rafe for saying Grace is amazing. She’s adorable. I’m thinking that’s a different baby because the hair is different although she’s adorable too. Well usually they do have a few babies playing the part. She looked a little worried when Grandpa wasn’t liking the idea. She is a cutie so I’m sure Roman will fall in love with her after all Rafe already is along with falling for Sami. I’m all for Sami getting together with Rafe since the whole EJ thing disgusts me. I will never understand the whole appeal of a girl and her rapist. Why do people like a couple like that? Hee hee does this mean that Will has to be gay now? Just a weird thought.

Calvin really is crap isn’t he? He’s being a crappy brother to both of his sisters and Sasha’s sucking in the sister category not even caring about Lauren? Yes she’s the younger sister but does that mean her broken heart is less important? It’s no wonder she’s spray painting those messages at least she did the last one. I wonder what the other one said. The kid needs some help and no one really seems to care.

I am glad that Anita is standing up for herself. She does have a good point about Lauren being a crappy friend. She just took advantage of her so she could spend time with Newt. So is it any wonder that she’s alone. Well Theresa isn’t being any better about things since she was a bit of a cow about things. Now I’m not saying this about every blonde on the planet but why is it that the nastiest bitches tend to be blonde? Now this is just from my perspective not that I’m calling every blonde a bitch or saying that non blondes can’t be just as nasty and there’s also the fact that a lot of blondes aren’t real blondes.

Archie is totally losing it. What was up with that outfit or lack of an outfit. I really wish I could have found a picture of him. He was wearing an orange cape and matching knickers I guess they were or maybe a diaper or nappy as you Brits call them. He’s trying to woo Sarah but I’m not sure about the way he’s going about it. So don’t dress up like an idiot singing a Hare Krishna song because chances are it won’t work. I do wonder what he’s been taking or drinking since he was in a good mood. Maybe wearing drapes or whatever that was around your neck puts you in a good mood.

Whoa that was pretty wild seeing Stefano cry. I didn’t even think he was capable. Does he have a conscience deep down within the depths of darkness where a heart would be? Guess he feels bad about the comment about Tony being dead to him. I kind of wish Tony was murdered for something interesting but no he ends up getting staked. And oh thanks so much Nicole for letting me know that getting impaled must really hurt. I wouldn’t have guess that without your wisdom. You really should be a doctor since I never would have been able to figure out that it really hurts to get impaled.

Oh that’s just sad Lexie couldn’t work the elevator right and Stefano wants her to operate. Hello doesn’t he realize that’s a bad idea? She couldn’t operate the elevator so how is she going to do cutting into her brother and doing whatever to save his life? There really aren’t that many doctors to choose from and Stefano’s not liking Daniel simply because he’s Victor’s godson. Yes that’s all kinds of logical. The dude swore an oath so it’s not like he was planning to have the scalpel slip in surgery so he could finish Tony off. You’re not supposed to operate on family but Stefano isn’t thinking too clearly obviously.

Sami and Rafe are adorable and she even named Grace after Rafe adding Rafela as her middle name. Well if the vision Bo has about Roman and Hope which I’m still puzzled about there might be a few openings so he just might end up on the force. I’m thinking Bo wouldn’t just shake hands with Roman if he catches Hope in bed with Roman. I just can’t figure that out and I’ve had time to digest it. For a bit I was thinking it was Bo unless this is some weird fake out like they had on Passions with the bogus Luis and the bogus Charity and Miguel. Maybe Alistair’s around somewhere since I’m sure he and Stefano would be the best of friends.

Tony is able to write down EJ’s name and I’m hoping he’s able to tell him about Nicole. I want her to get busted and color me not surprised if she ends up lying about the fight. So when you’re walking around watch out for wood to avoid getting stacked. Somehow I’ve managed to not impale myself although there was that one time when I snapped the three ring binder on my finger which wasn’t a picnic. But will he reveal all before the lights go out. I wonder if they’ll have Anna show up so they can at least say goodbye. Oh yes that’s a good cover to explain her absence the turned off cell phone. I wouldn’t be surprised if the curtain closes on the whole place since there’s stupidness afoot.

I’m not liking new Will at all. Okay how is it considered neglect when she had to leave to avoid getting killed? Also it was Will’s choice to leave so where does the blame go to Sami? I just wanted to smack him a bit and tackle that hair of his which still looks horrible and while I was at it fiddle around with Sami’s hair too since she had some weirdness going on. And what’s up with that outfit that Nicole’s wearing? Maybe the aliens will grab her now because she’s just mocking them at this point.

Well I haven’t seen Zoe in a while. Kris is bummed about the threesome imploding so he decides to get drunk. He ends up going up to Ravi and declares that he wants to get back together with him. I’m not liking that since I want Kris with Nancy but he was drunk so who knows if he was serious or just drunk not wanting to go home alone. I guess Nancy is hiding out after all she did dump both guys. Color me not surprised that things didn’t work out. I’m not sure what the odds are but I’m thinking the odds of survival would be really low.

Zoe comes over but Fernando flips when he sees her. What the hell? It turns out that she’s a doppelganger of Pilar. I’m thinking bad ending since I’m guessing she’s dead. Who knows maybe the muse will bite me and I’ll write something. She has been a bit fickle lately but a certain visitor can be screwing with that too since being nauseous doesn’t do much in getting the creative juices flowing. He talks to Steph and wants some time alone. She of course can relate since she lost Max. So maybe they can help heal each other’s broken heart. Why not since Steph deserves a nice guy that isn’t a psycho out for revenge on his family because his mother gave him up because she had him when she was fourteen.

I was under the impression and wrongly apparently that someone was going to murder Tony. Nope he gets into a scuffle with Phillip and starts walking away. He takes a tumble down the stairs which I’ve done myself but he ends up impaled. Of course Nicole isn’t hurrying to call 911 because she doesn’t want her secret to come out. Damn it I don’t want him to die without exposing that bitch. Is that too much to ask? I certainly don’t think it is.

Sami is taking little Grace home and she ends up asking Rafe to be the godfather. I think he wouldn’t mind being the daddy. They make such a cute couple and extra points that he adores Grace. The nuns are calling it right but I am curious to find out more about this cutie that was raised by nuns. Maybe that guy that Bo was yelling out could get fired so he could hire Rafe since he knows now that Rafe wasn’t the guy that Hope ends up in bed with. That revelation is still making me scratch me head. Okay I’m not really scratching my head since that would make typing tricky but come on how bizarre that Hope would have an affair with Roman of all people? What the hell is going on? That’s why I’m thinking there has to be something chip related because that’s the only thing that would make sense.

Now that I think about it I think the old lady Joyce was the same old lady that’s the nun and of course she was Wig Lady on Buffy not Crazy Religious Lady like I’d originally thought. Well that’s the one that was mentioned and I hadn’t watched yet so I was expecting another old lady the one from that fiber commercial where she asks about where the fiber is. So Father Matt who I’ve never seen before until recently because of course he did Sydney’s christening did Grace’s with just Rafe and Sami.

I wonder if Stefano is feeling guilty about saying Tony was dead to him and here the dude is on his death bed. He is such a horrible excuse for a human being going on about Tony. Hello he was captive on an island for twenty years so don’t even try to act like you’re daddy of the year because you really aren’t. Come on who names their kid Elvis anyway? I forgot what the J stands for. Sure Susan was crazy about Elvis and Stefano dressed like him but come on as far as names go that really doesn’t work. Who cares anyway since I really don’t like EJ anyway. I just want to smack him around a bit.

Oh joy it looks like Chloe might be pregnant but much like Violet she has no idea who the daddy is. This seems to be a pattern with Lucas since I’m getting a case of deja vu. I just wish he’d wake up to the fact that Chloe doesn’t love him. She’s just with him because she feels guilty about Lucas exploding and anyway they are a twosome of yawns while Rafe and Sami are a twosome of cuteness. Wake up Lucas. Do I need to take a frying pan to your head to knock some sense into you so you can see the truth about Opera Bitch.

Hey I thought Cindy was with Darren? That didn’t stop her from flirting with Fernando and show off her language skills. That was kind of slutty telling him that she’s brown all over. What was she going to do next ask if he wanted to take a peek? I guess she does the tanning bed thing which I just don’t get. I’m pale and that’s how I’m staying so if anyone doesn’t like that they can piss off. I don’t tell people to get out of the sun.

Just like I thought the threesome didn’t last very long. Sure there is a very minuscule chance one can work I suppose but come on the odds are really against it since there’s always going to be one of the people left out in the cold. I want Kris and Nancy together. No offense Ravi I’m sure you could find a cute bloke lickety split. Okay I can’t think of someone right now unless Fernando wants to give it a go but I’m sure he’ll find someone.

Well it looks like Kate wants to give Chloe the medicine she was given while she was sick. Isn’t that handy that Lucas wanted her to see a doctor since she’s not feeling well. Maybe she’s feeling bad because she married the wrong guy. Why do people do that? She doesn’t love him and it is really fair to Lucas? Who knows he might get his memory back which might send him back into the bottle or maybe back over to Daniel’s place to finish what he started when he got blown up before he could do it. Okay did that make sense? Yes confusion might be rearing up again but that’s common since I have the power of confusion.

Sami and Rafe are just adorable and it is obvious that Rafe adores little Grace too. She is a cute baby even if she isn’t Sami’s real baby. Maybe with Mia back that will get out if Tony doesn’t die first. The fingers are crossed because they really don’t need to drag out the baby thing any longer than they have already. Come on there was already a baby switch so I don’t understand why they had to have another one. Shouldn’t there be a decade time limit on when a baby switch can take place and the way they had Dr Baker just leave town was lame. Well Nicole now has Tony to squirm over.

Tony decides to leave the Dimera mansion so it seems to be the week where rich boys leave the family home. Rich people certainly are different except in this his family wanted him to stay unlike Victor who disowned him although Stefano got pissed when Tony didn’t decide to stay. He said rat something or other which must be Italian for you’re dead to me or whatever. Ha he went to the pier to find Phillip. I think the two should get an apartment together since they do have things in common and in different circumstances might actually be friends.

I just don’t want Tony to die before spilling the beans and it looks like he’s getting impaled in the next episode. Okay that’s lame he tumbles down the stairs at the pier and lands on something sharp that was just lying around. That’s about as thrilling as Lex pushing Lionel out the window although I have to say that he did deserve the honor of killing his father. I just want the baby mess to be out in the open and okay I wouldn’t mind if Nicole was killed or at least EJ so he wouldn’t screw around with Sami’s kids.

And to top it off Brady it is that time of the month and I’m not happy about it. But I don’t blame you for covering your face. I would to if I had to look at Nicole for very long too. When are those aliens going to show up again? Didn’t you call them Brady? So she goes to Brady telling him that Tony knows about Sydney not being her baby and comes up with a brilliant scheme to steal the fuel projects. What is up with these damn blueprints anyway? EJ couldn’t care less about them and Melanie wants any money she can squeeze out of them while Phillip is hellbent on getting them back.

Maybe he needs to call Dr Bombay to find out what’s going on with this bizarre vision of his wife and his brother. I’m just glad it wasn’t Victor since that would be all kinds of disturbing not that this one isn’t in its own way. I kind of feel sorry for Roman because he doesn’t have anyone at all. Really when you think about it who could he get it on with? There’s Kate but that ship has sailed unless it docks into port again. Maybe Maggie? Where is Mickey anyway? Is he dead? I’m just glad that gobble neck went back to General Hospital since he was a horrible Mickey although Mickey was always a horrible lawyer. Don’t hire him when you’re on trial for murder so let that be a warning to whoever ends up killing Tony.

Oh Kate is so entertaining with her fantasies. I miss them so it was nice to see some screwball fantasies. Also there was Tony talking to himself making his plans but will he survive before dropping the bombshell about Nicole and the baby. Of course that would mean that EJ would find out that he has another child which isn’t going to be good for Sami since she wants to protect her daughter which she is although it really isn’t her daughter. Oh you know what I mean if you’re watching or maybe my power of confusion is on full blast right now. I liked it when Kate threw the Bloody Marys on Chloe’s head but sadly it wasn’t reality and why waste a drink.

Has someone been watching Smallville? Well Tony was on an island for twenty years so I’m hoping he had cable so maybe he was watching. The reason I mention that is because he called Phillip PK just like Jimmy calls Clark CK. I’m not sure where he does that and for some reason I think of cabbage patch kids which are CPK whenever he does that. Oh the strangeness of my brain. Actually Phillip should listen to Tony but of course he won’t because he’s just all kinds of stupid. I think he’s jealous that Brady might be prettier than him and there’s also the threat that Brady could be taking over for Phillip since he’s being a bit unstable. Maybe some medication would help.

So Bo’s been having these visions about Hope in bed with another man and at first it was possible that hey it could be Bo after all why would Hope cheat on him right? But then more was revealed and it was obvious that she wasn’t talking to Bo. The ring did look like Bo’s and now Bo sees the man in the vision and holy crap that’s Roman. Did Stefano screw with his brain because I can’t think of a logical reason why these two would hook up? Sure when Hope was Gina she hooked up with John when he thought he was Roman at least I think he was Roman at the time. Anyhoo it made me wonder when the last time Roman got any was.

It’s been a while since I’m thinking it might be Kate. He was supposedly killed on their wedding day and I’m thinking he hasn’t had any since. I could be wrong since I was AWOL for a year so I’m still fuzzy about some things. It just doesn’t make any sense that Hope would have an affair with Roman. Does this spell the end of this soap? Well this particular network seems hellbent on getting rid of soaps since this is the only one left. Damn I really went with the wrong network didn’t I? Too bad Passions wasn’t on another station along with Sunset Beach and hell throw in Santa Barbara too since I enjoyed that too but it wasn’t on long before it got the axe too.

Well I’m liking the new guys since he beats I’m guessing some old lady. Yes Steph keep it together since one of you needs to have some sense after all you need to pass out those fliers. Couldn’t they teach a class together? I know Steph was liking Fernando and Sarah was certainly liking what she was seeing judging by that look on her face when he walked in. That was odd how a bar is also a place to have dance classes. I guess that’s a British thing or maybe it’s just a thing exclusive to Hollyoaks.

So begins the start of the threesome although I think I’d rather the twosome because face it chance are very much against a threesome working. Of course there are rules so Ravi was breaking one when he showed up during Kris and Nancy’s date. Oops I knew Kris wouldn’t be able to resist mentioning their relationship. Hey Ravi has good taste more than I can say about you Mr Assface since the word good just doesn’t apply to you since you’re such a Rick. I do not like him at all so hopefully Hannah will see the light soon. Right on to Kris for mentioning the sister remark after all he shouldn’t be judging someone for having a relationship that isn’t typical. Rhys can be such a moron at times.

Josh decides to sell the bike and Justin offers to buy it. Why is it so hard for people to believe he can ride one? So Ash in his typical ass way outbids Justin and he gets caught up in it so when Assface says $999 Justin ups it to a thousand. Oops and that’s when Ass stepped out and of course Justin doesn’t have the money. That was kind of dumb asking Calvin for the money when he certainly doesn’t have it and now he’s spying on Warren and his sister hoping to figure out what the deal was with Sean and of course he wants to find Louise who very well might be dead although you can’t be sure about her dead status.

Since I’m not fluent in British I did wonder about the buggy remark. He can’t be talking about a stroller could he? Are they really all that expensive that he’d have to sell the bike or maybe it’s a type of car? I have no idea since I’m lost in the translation. Oh yeah that really makes you a star to add fifty quid when you swoop in and buy the bike. Oh wait it doesn’t because you’re just a jerk trying to make yourself look good. Sure you might be attractive but you’re such an ass that I want to smack you about the head.