Dishing The Soaps!

I don’t blame Hannah for being grumpy with everyone on her case. What does she have to do to show them that Ass is an ass and that she didn’t hide that food? With the way they’re treating her they’d be the ones driving her over the edge. Okay maybe she shouldn’t have made that remark about a tic tac and a sick bag but come on. Rhys isn’t exactly the best judge of anyone.

Hannah gets ambushed by her family thanks to Rhys and his stupidity. Hello he’s the one that fell under the spell of Ash. The poor girl should never have mentioned the Ass mess since that just seemed to make things worse. Yeah Rhys the problem would be you causing trouble where there actually isn’t any because of that stupid Ass. I’m pretty sure Ass would be all too willing to turn up to take her back if she suddenly developed a brain injury. I just want to smack him since he’s just evil. So I’ve got Boob on one side and Ass on the other with all his assery while the other has boobery.

Okay am I being a dumb American by not knowing what in the hell Ste was talking about Manchester’s filing cabinet being sorted. Huh? Is this another one of those moments that goes whoosh over my head because I’m just too dumb to get it? It could be the language difference since I’m not fluent in British since I speak American which can be very different.

Very good Sasha finding a suitcase and a ticket to Rio and she comes to the conclusion that Warren is going on a trip. She’s quick isn’t she? And why did Yvonne think Sasha was the cleaning lady? She certainly didn’t like Sean did she? No they aren’t lies if they are the truth. Does Warren actually believe his own lies now?  Well at least her eyes are finally being opened? You mean nothing to him you dummy.

Oh yes you can trust Warren with his eyes all wide open like that declaring Calvin a liar. Oops Darren’s little secret is out of the bag. Warren is totally losing it though. Well yes Warren you are a liar but nice touch using the dirt you knew on them by calling them villains and thieves to try to take the heat off yourself but that doesn’t make you less of a killer.

Well Jack of course isn’t too happy to find out that Darren arranged Jake confessing to Sean’s murder. He isn’t a bad guy really but he’s made some seriously stupid decisions and this just might be the one that causes him to lose his family. Calm down Jack you just might have a heart attack with all that yelling. Okay I want to smack Darren a bit too for selling out his brother but Jake is all crazy so while it was wrong it made a kind of sense in a wrong kind of way if that makes any sense at all.

Well I’m glad to see Carmel and Calvin talking. So the fingers are crossed that they get back together. Did she skin Cousin Itt? What is that thing she’s wearing? Maybe it talks. That is one ugly jacket. At least it gives me a giggle since I expect it to start squeaking or whatever the hell he did when he talked.

Hannah wants to run off with Justin. I don’t really blame her with her family going all crazy. Suffocating her isn’t going to be a help. And if he does torch the place he will get five grand. But will he do it? And will Rhys let her leave since he’s the one that is really pushing this thing? Sure he’s worried about her but come on he’s going on Ass’s word and the guy has already proved himself to be twisted when he fixed the bike. Shouldn’t Rhys hate the guy for putting his sister in the hospital regardless of whether or not he meant to actually hurt anyone?

Okay I get Sasha staying outside since she’s stupid and in love with Warren even though she knows the truth. Oh he didn’t mean it. Is that what she want written on her tombstone? He didn’t mean to kill me. He really did love me. And oops to say that to Louise’s mother was utterly brilliant. Yes she’s going to take that really well. But why would Darren show up? Okay Warren spilled the beans about the Jake thing but if there was a fight between the two we all know who would win and that would be Warren.

Warren was worried enough to have a bat with him which wasn’t such a good idea. If you have a bat make sure to keep an eye on it at all times otherwise someone might just grab it and smack you upside the head with it. Well the notes said his days were numbered so I wouldn’t be surprised if Clare is behind this. All I know is that she’s going to be back and she isn’t all warm and fuzzy when it comes to Warren. Will she kill him? I guess I’ll just have to keep watching to find out and ding dong the bitch is back or soon will be.

Uh oh it looks like you go insane if you hang out in a mortuary as shown by Owen’s dad. Does he have a name yet? He’s nuts isn’t he? Oh how sad that Mason Capwell turned inside. It makes me wonder about Owen’s brother which sort of caused me to have a Charmed moment but hey my brain works in strange ways. He was certainly all worked up about a stiff arriving. Hello he’s in a morgue so wouldn’t bodies be coming out of his ears so to speak? And what’s up with the cremation? That’s not good at all.

I thought he was going to open the bag which would have been a bit awkward. Who knows what Crazy Dad would do if someone popped out of the bag. He might go even more crazy. Until I know his name I’ll just call him Crazy Dad. I don’t think he has a name at least I don’t think he does. I’m sure he does but I certainly don’t know it and let’s move on to another sentence already shall we? I bet those two guys were making fun of Crazy Dad when they left although crazy in the morgue might just be the norm after all there was Crazy Morgue Lady and now there’s Crazy Dad.

Mia and Will are pretty cute. I have to say that her cousin Jamie is coming off as a total bitch. I’m pretty sure that having a baby made Mia realize that it’s a lot better to take things slow. They haven’t even kissed yet and if things go like they are they just might not although she did sign a three year contract which confused me because the show only got an eighteen month one. What is that about? Maybe Maggie will let her move in but at some point the truth about her having a baby has to come out because it should and I want that cow Nicole to get what’s coming to her.

Sure Victor’s nuts but he’s entertaining. So Chloe is now the Village Slut or is it Town Slut? I think Victor used both and it certainly didn’t help that Kate found her in Daniel’s arms. Daniel’s skating on thin ice after all Victor did cut off Brady although Brady should be fine since he must have a trust fund since Daddy is major big bucks. No one else is blaming Brady although Victor is being stupid about the whole Brady thing. Bad Brady wanting to protect your family. And him saying Brady’s dead to him is just stupid after all look what happened after Stefano said that to Tony the guy died. Does Victor want that? I know I don’t since I want Brady around and what’s up with getting locked in a crypt again? At least there isn’t a creepy creature running around like in Harmony.

I wonder if Phillip will be able to get out of the drawer. He just might find himself black and blue because Crazy Dad kept smacking him so right on Phillip for staying quiet although you might have given him a heart attack by telling him to stop. I don’t get the way Victor’s mind works. He wants to blame Brady but he’s the idiot that kidnapped Stefano and had EJ captive and didn’t kill them both. That would have resolved it once and for all and while they were at it they could have killed Nicole too. But no he let Elvis go which was the big mistake. He just want someone to blame when the blame really goes to him and it didn’t help that Owen is crazy like his father? Is the brother the only sane one in the family?

I wonder if anyone will find Melanie’s name tag? That was smart but someone might just think it’s trash. No one knows about Brady and Melanie going off with Phillip to try to get Stephanie. I just want to smack Stephanie. Call out Phillip’s name you dummy. He might start going crazy himself and think the drawer’s haunted or something. I’m thinking there isn’t a handle inside because no one would be trying to get out so how in the hell will Phillip get out of the drawer without getting embalmed or cremated.

It is official I now like Melanie. It was amusing when she was talking to whoever was buried there. It must be nice being rich and able to afford your own crypt but I’m thinking people aren’t visiting and there two more people are possibly moving in permanently. I don’t want Brady dead and egads I never thought I’d say it but I want Melanie to stick around too. I kind of figured she wouldn’t be able to get any reception with her phone. Maybe she could send a text? Does that require less effort? Help trapped in crypt. Send help ASAP.

Poor Hannah! She should offer to take a lie detector test so they know she’s telling the truth. I just smack to smack Ass which is what Ash shall be called from now on. He’s just a horrible excuse for a human agreeing to tell Suzanne the truth and then lying saying that Hannah was mentally ill. Hello who was the one that was so pathetic he fixed the bike which backfired on him and sent Hannah to the hospital because she was nearly killed? Of course this doesn’t surprise me after all someone that would hide food in a person’s room that suffers from an eating disorder is just evil.

Sasha is stupid and I’m not really surprised that she knows the truth. Oh yes make excuses for him and maybe one day you too can end up in a pine box or maybe dug in some shallow grave somewhere. I just want to slap some sense into that girl but I don’t think she has any left. Hell even Spencer knew to leave and I’m glad that Calvin took him in. He needs to have someone that won’t flip out all the time like Warren who has one hell of a temper.

Justin is in quite a bind with the Warren sitch. He wants to get away from it but Warren just won’t let go and even threatened Hannah. Isn’t she having enough of a bad time with her family not believing her about the food? He wants Justin to burn The Loft down. I guess he wants the insurance money so he can take off somewhere. It looks like Justin will have to do it but maybe he could just flip on Warren and get immunity after all he knows about the Sean thing at least. That certainly doesn’t endear him to the Ashworth clan.

  So the morgue adventures continue with Stephanie playing along with Owen in the hopes of getting the gun. At least she tried although it didn’t work and he made her drink some mystery thing and now she’s in a body drawer and she just might be the one that wakes up screaming when someone starts embalming here. I would think that’s a very unpleasant thing to happen.

I like the way Melanie thinks. Well you have to cover all the bases so if you’re going to fake dead and get into the body bag you may as well mention the guy gets naked. He didn’t go for it but she certainly gets a thumbs up from me for trying. And hey he did take his shirt off which is something. She did have a good point because there might  have been a chance that someone would unzip him at some point and wearing clothes would have been weird but I’m going to request that I remain clothed in the body bag along with being autopsied if the need should arise. Brady finds them playing dead and decides to be backup. Too bad he wasn’t looking when Owen came up behind him knocking Brady out. Did you not read the manual about not hurting the hottie or I guess that would be handbook? I’m debating between the words but I’m putting one together.

I’m glad that Mia is standing up to Nicole who is such a bully. She’s thrilled about Rafe adopting Grace because she figures that will save her ass. I just want the damn truth to come out because I don’t want to deal with another damn baby switch. We already did this people? Remember or did someone on the staff lose their memory? I want Nicole stuck on a spit and set over the fire. And she seems to think she’s wonderful while Sami is the devil or something. Shouldn’t you be worrying about your sorry ass excuse of a husband who isn’t even in love with you? So much for that wonderful lawyer if EJ isn’t out of jail yet although I think I’d like to see him in the orange jumpsuit so I could do some more mocking. Come on and join in the mocking fun. What will his hair do next?

Owen is just creepy. Doesn’t his father find it odd that he’s hanging around the morgue so much? Is that normal for him? He kind of reminds me of creepy morgue lady from Sunset Beach. Now I feel like watching that so I can compare the creepy factor of the crazy morgue people. I’m just not sure he has it in him to kill Brady and Melanie along with Stephanie who he’s become fixated with. And there’s Philip stuck in the body bag not knowing what the hell’s going on. I guess they didn’t have the right papers or he was an unscheduled dead body. Oh well I guess I’ll just wait and see what happens next with the morgue adventures.

Nice hat Will. Okay he’s grown on me and I like Mia too although I wish she’d just tell the truth because she isn’t giving Will credit. I think he could deal with it. They are kind of reminding me of Bo and Hope since she called him Horton. I guess they are going to be the new hot teen couple during the summer months. Well I’m enjoying Sami and Rafe for sure and anytime you get Galen out of his shirt is just dandy with me. And let Eric get his shirt off too since Brady should be shirtless too.

Well at least Bridget decided to let Nick has his beer. Wine is fine? Real good one Bridget I think I’ll go get some red wine. Nah on the other hand maybe not. Let the guy has his beer and was it just me or did it take too long for him to get his shirt off? Her dress was off pretty quick and hello the commercial ends and the two of them are in bed with not much of a view. Hello Nicky’s a cutie so I want to see him even though Owen would be my favorite although the pickings are pretty slim which is strange since this is supposed to be LA.

Thorne came out of the basement with what’s her name. I know she’s one of Stephanie’s kids but no clue what the name is although she was on Ghost Whisperer. I wonder if they were kidding about going over to Jackie M. Well at least they got out for a little while so it was minimal Boob today which is good because I don’t really like him in large doses. He is a boob after all in case you haven’t gotten the memo yet. Someone should do a Boob count on how many times I call him Boob.

They want her to stop because Dad is all bummed out but at least he doesn’t look all constipated like he has been. But oopsie it looks like Stephanie went in over her head and ended up giving Bill some ammo although I have no clue what this secret is. Does it have to do with that guy that Eric was talking to and that Stephanie talked to and asked about his family? Is Eric hiring illegals? Is that the big secret? Maybe Americans don’t know how to cut properly. I know I don’t but that could have to do with making do with right handed scissors when I’m left handed. For all I know I might suck at cutting even with scissors for my left hand. I would have said right hand but that would have been confusing because I wouldn’t have been referring to my right hand only to the hand that’s my good hand I guess you could say instead of right when I’m talking left and escape this sentence before anyone else get confused.

Donna should just shut up because who is she to talk about sense after all she thought that was a good outfit to wear. She does have an idea but I’m thinking Eric wouldn’t think that sex could get them out of this mess. Someone needs to just smack him around a bit. I wonder what Stephanie will do now that she knows she’s been played. Well it had to happen at some point after all she can get pretty cocky and full of herself always telling people what to do and now she’s screwed but might I add that damn that’s a good view of Bill when he turned towards the window. Like you weren’t checking out his ass too. Bless the creator of those jeans. Thumbs up!

Things are really getting to Warren and of course the calls where no one says anything along with all the signs declaring him a murderer are enough to send a guy over the edge. Of course he’s totally guilty although I’m not sure what Tony thought Calvin would do since he’s not a cop anymore. I just want to slap Sasha for being such an idiot,

Poor Spencer is a complete innocent in this whole mess so I feel bad for him. He of course thinks that everyone is lying and he’s confused about why people are being so mean to Warren. Of course Warren ends up lashing out at Spencer and Spencer does stand up to him which lands him a smack. Bad Warren how could you hit this sweet guy that you claim to love like a brother? Spencer left but luckily Calvin found him and took him back to his place. Sure Warren loves him but he isn’t equipped to deal with Spencer especially with that wicked temper of his.

Since Clare is coming back which I’m really looking forward to I have to wonder if she might be the one behind the signs and the calls. But Calvin did throw that phone away so maybe he did some calling of his own to help send the guy over the edge. Hollyoaks isn’t a friendly town when dealing with criminals and sadly the loved ones end up getting screwed over too. Look at what happened to Russ’s family they were all but driven out of town although Russ managed to survive although I guess he’s gone now and what a lame exit that was. He was there one day and gone the next.

Okay Rafe come on over so I can have you for backup. Don’t bother putting a shirt on so I can enjoy the view. That makes up for that ugly ass shirt Nicole’s wearing. Maybe it was just a weird angle but I thought I saw something but maybe the shirt is just being weird. Did I see what I thought I saw? If you have no idea I’m not saying a word to avoid incriminating myself as an idiot.

Aw how sweet Brady’s trying to find Stephanie even though he’s been booted out of the family. Well he could always go to the Brady Pub since I’m sure Aunt Caroline would take care of him. When he mentioned Phillip being like a brother to him I couldn’t help but have a Passions moment since Ethan and Sheridan were more like brother and sister instead of aunt and nephew even though it turned out they weren’t actually related. Well Phillip is his Uncle which always amuses me but that can happen so that makes more sense than people who are just barely old enough to be the parents of their children. Take a look at the craziness of General Hospital. I watched again but I didn’t write about it and I’m no sure if I’ll even start watching on a regular basis let along babble about it.

I think Caroline was grumpy over the whole Victor thing. That was pretty dumb of him to say he’s going to protect Stephanie when he has no clue where she is. But Melanie is on the case and it’s just a good thing she’s on Phillip’s side this time. I sense some fake dead porn coming up after all he can go in as a corpse and look for Stephanie. Dad seems to be pretty clueless about Owen and his weirdness. There’s nothing wrong with being weird after all I’m weird myself but come on is it really normal to hang around in the morgue with the body drawers? Does his dad even have a name yet? Should I just call him Gordon? Or maybe Mason? He left Santa Barbara and changed his name after Julia broke his heart by jumping off the Empire State Building.

Stephanie is kind of irritating me. They change the girl from the sassy redhead that drove a race-car to this whiny chick. What is up with that? Nice crawling like that’s going to get you out. And Owen seems to be losing it and where in the world did he get that gun? Does he plan on using it to shoot Melanie? Okay I can get why someone would do that but she does kind of grow on you after a while and is pretty handy to have around when you need someone able to lie and cry on demand.

Ari once again bumped into Brady but luckily this time she wasn’t carrying a cup of coffee. It looks like these two are going to end up together. Will he debitchify her since I’m still not liking her. Sure it gives me a little deja vu since Theresa kept spilling things on Ethan which kind of makes me want Lindsay in the role although I’m not liking Arianna right now while I loved Theresa from the start. So don’t bellow on the cell phone. And don’t talk in the toilet because that’s just gross especially since so many people don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom. Hello gross makes a girl want to carry around wipes and never touch anything because you never know what a person was doing before they touched the knob.

Nicole is being a bitch but of course that isn’t news since that’s just who she is. I am annoyed that she keeps going on about Sami when she should stop and look at herself for a moment. Who in the hell is she to say anything? Sam isn’t trying to get EJ back. Why in the hell would she want that loser with mock worthy hair when she can have Rafe and hello sexy with the construction? I’m waiting for the hard hat. So she’s being stupid not to mention she seems to have forgotten that she stole Sami’s baby and is passing her off as her own so she really hasn’t got a leg to stand on when it comes to judging people. And good for Mia for telling off Nicole who really needs it.

I’m liking Will more and more since he was awesome in telling that bitch off. I don’t even know her name but it was something stupid. Those types should be told off. So it gave me a giggle when he called her a mean skinny girl with a zit on her chin. I think he said chin or am I thinking chin because I have one myself. I know he said zit but the location could be wrong. It’s just too bad Mia’s lying to him about being an addict because I think he’d still like her even if she told him about the baby but the poor thing thinks it’s better to be thought of as an addict instead of the girl that got knocked up. I just wish the truth would come out already about the babies because I want Nicole to fry and get back into that orange jumpsuit. Can they gas her?

Well Rafe was Irish when he was Luis after all his last name was Lopez-Fitgerald so maybe he has a little Irish in him but I don’t want Arianna invited to join the family until she loses the tude. Actually get to know Sami first instead of listening to nasty people saying things about her. Sadly there are always going to be nasty people like Chloe and Nicole which is why I want them kidnapped by aliens. If Satan can possess Marlena why not have aliens come down and take the annoying people away. Owen could be their leader.

Right on Bridget make Nicky get rid of those smelly cigars. I don’t get the appeal of them at all. Aren’t they worse than cigarettes? I would think vanity would work on people when it comes to smoking. And doesn’t he know that evil people are the ones that smoke cigars like Stefano and actually I think Massimo did too and well there’s a crossover right there of the two twins separated at birth. Of course that won’t make any sense to anyone that doesn’t realize that the same actor played both roles.

More Boob and of course I just wanted to smack him some more. Brooke took the opportunity so it isn’t like she was able to prepare for it so of course she’s going to be talking about her family the Logans part anyway because that’s who Stephanie is going after. She isn’t saying anything about Boob so he doesn’t really need any defending. Sure this played into Bill’s hands since this is all good for him and once again Boob was a total moron.

I just want to smack that idiot. He doesn’t even know who he wants to be with and I think he wants the both of them. Maybe he could become Mormon so he can have more than one wife? Is that the right religion? If it isn’t I apologize but I think it might be. I don’t get that and it doesn’t go unnoticed that it seems to be men that want more than one wife. If things were so wonderful with Taylor why did they break up? So I kind of want to smack Taylor too since she’s just looking pathetic going after this guy like she can’t get a man of her own without stealing this one and why she would want this one still baffles me. What is so great about Boob? Sure he’s great for mocking and calling Boob but that’s about it.

And Rick did have a good point because Boob and his family don’t actually have the Forrester blood so Thomas or Squirt as Rick calls him is a Forrester in name only. And hell yes he deserves to at least punch Thomas after all the guy did nearly kill him. Frankly I think he was already unstable so trying to blame Rick for that is just stupid because if it wasn’t Rick it would have been something else if he thinks it was okay to set a house on fire and blow a car up.

It does look like Boob might be telling Brook about the marriage being invalid. He’s such a moron. As long as Brooke does what he says everything is fine but if she dares to disagree with him all hell breaks loose. Why she wants to be with him is beyond me? I’m sure no one could ever explain it to me either. He doesn’t do anything about his mother so Brooke has to put up with her shit yet Boob whines about Rick. That’s just pathetic.

Of course I couldn’t help but think about The Breakfast Club during this episode with the four in detention. Man I hated detention. Oh Theresa you were being pretty mean to Nancy. That was nice of Newt to stick up for Nancy. She isn’t that bad and I happen to like the color of her hair.

So it looks like the war is over between Lauren and Anita. Lauren finally fessed up to faking the bullying and oops Theresa spilled the beans about her bleaching herself. And I actually think Lauren was being sincere. Sure Anita might have a nice house but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have problems too. Hopefully she’ll finally realize how gorgeous she is.

I do wonder where Newt got that bucket of water. He was throwing it but oops it landed on Theresa instead and is she starting to like Newt too? So they each shared secrets but that was kind of risky Anita revealing her secret about her dad letting her off on the whole exam thing. She didn’t look at it. Will this really be the end of the war or will it be the calm before the storm? When you wear black on black you don’t notice any holes so I’m thinking Theresa doesn’t realize that jacket has a big hole in the back. Oops!

Zoe ends up spilling the beans about Zac when Michaela was actually talking about Mike. Is it weird that I kind of like the idea of Mike and Myra together? It was entertaining when she was staying at his place. Poor Mike I’m sure the place must feel empty now that Ste has Lucas. One thing I’m not sure about is Leah? Is she with Ste and Lucas? Sure he isn’t the biological father but he is the only father she’s known? Think before speaking since there are plenty of times when you think a person is talking about something when they actually aren’t. Of course after hearing this Michaela broke up with Zak saying she always hated Zoe. I think she was jealous of her since the guy did pine over her for a while but he’s totally in love with Michaela. Sure they might look like an odd pair but they really fit together.

Yes it was another Boob day full of his boobery. Sure Taylor showing up seemed really natural. But of course Boob is too stupid to realize that Stephanie called her so she could try to push them together. Why she always insists on butting in I will never know? Let the Boob make up his own mind about who he wants to be with but frankly I think he’d like both of them.

Rick is on so there are just two cuties on to help make up for Boob being on. Bill ends up giving her a chance to respond to the Logan Chronicles. She never did answer him about the undies which is an answer. Yeah right like she’s wearing granny panties. Oops she did forget to mention Boob which she maybe should have since she seems to like him for some reason that is unknown to me.

And what is up with Taylor suggesting they fire Rick once they get the company? Of course she’s all for the plan of Stephanie’s to buy the company. Hello Rick is a Forrester so he has as much right as anyone and actually more right than Boob. How are you going to get around that one? Sure Eric considers him a son and Boob considers him a father but that doesn’t make Rick less a Forrester since he has the blood and hell hasn’t he been working for the company for quite some time now. It’s not like he’s just bumbling in off the street like Thomas.

It would have been amusing if Donna got to respond because I’m not sure if she could handle it after all she’s been using up all those brain cells telling off Stephanie. The twit doesn’t have a chance. What does the contribute anyway? Honey? At least Brooke does the Bedroom line so it’s not like she doesn’t do anything but really what does Donna bring to the table? Oh yes she makes anyone feel really smart after she says something really dumb.