Dishing The Soaps!

I wonder who lets Bill in. You would think Eric would have better security. Did Katie slip him a key or something? I do agree that Eric isn’t exactly thinking outside the box since Steffy would make a crappy model. Sure she’s pretty but it’s just not her. Is a girl supposed to want to be a model or something? Is there some law and where was Rick? I think Marcus is just using this as a ploy to try to win Steffy back. Well all he’s doing is irritating me. That’s pretty low trying to guilt the girl into doing something to save the company when the blame for the company being in danger of going down the toilet would be Eric’s fault for being such an idiot. Hey when two of your kids leave that should clue you in that you’re doing something wrong.

Wow Boobess realizes that there’s trouble in paradise. She pops by to see Stephanie with a family picture. She works fast getting a picture of the Booby Bunch that quickly. Wasn’t it about two days ago or something that Boob moved back in? I guess I’d have to check  my Boob translator but I think the damn thing is on the fritz again. So Stephanie decides to do what she does best and dig up a man for Brooke and hello I remember you Michael so I guess he’ll be back. I forgot he was Whip. Come on like I should remember such a silly name? Hello I’m Whip. Can I whip you up something Whip? And unless I’m totally wrong I should he would be an ex or Ari so the husband and the ex are going to be on the soap together unless I’m wrong which is possible since I often live in the Land Of Confusion. I’m thinking about running for Mayor. Would you vote for me?

Since Pam’s out of a job Stephanie thought it would be a great idea to bring her over to Jackie M. At least she admits to being an odd duck and okay I am one too. I wonder if she’ll mention the crocheted bags. At least she didn’t say anything about the honey incident. I did love the look on Nick’s face so surprise she’s part of the gang now. This should be interesting. Oh I didn’t know she had a brain thing but I guess that does explain a few things. As long as you stay on her good side you should be fine and I’m sure she won’t mind if she catches Owen shirtless and where was he and Bridget for that matter? I guess the honeymoon is over for both couples. Sadly no Oweny goodness but as a consolation I got Pam and her kookiness.

Okay am I the only one that felt a bit cheated by the lack of seeing Rafe without the shirt? Sure there was a little back porn when he was on the couch with Sami but come on show some skin since they don’t want to show him in the shower for some reason. I want to enjoy the view so deliver already.

Good thinking save the unpacking for later when the kids are around since they could help. That was funny how Sami kept finding things in the furniture. I get the ring falling between the seat cushions but why was the peppermill there and what was up with that weird attachment to it? He’s going to fix it one day? Just buy pepper at the store where you just open and pour. I think I could learn to live with that painting as long as he doesn’t actually smoke a cigar since those are stinky and frankly remind me of Alistair and Stefano which is something I wouldn’t want to be reminded of around this hot boy.

Wow Enormous Jackass was actually spending time with his kids. Did the earth start rotating backwards since he usually hands them over to Mary or that butler dude whose name I can’t think of. Is it Harold? And when did he have a relationship with Will? I know it wasn’t meant that way but that struck me as odd. Oh sure you can stop by any time. Like anyone would want to do that. I know I wouldn’t unless he was paying after all Enormous Jackass is prone to yelling and pointing and the hand gestures of course along with the floppy hair which wasn’t flopping today. I know they probably bond over their hair since Will’s hair looks like he was caught in a windstorm. I do not like Enormous Jackass at all and jealous much. Of course you have plenty to be jealous of since Rafe’s hot and a good human being while you’re not. So what you have a British accent? Big whoop and you’re really tall. Am I impressed? Nope not at all since you’re lacking in so many areas that any attractiveness you might have just fades away you Enormous Jackass.

Aw how sweet Ali suggested fishsticks since they happen to be Johnny’s favorite.  That’s so sweet and I would never make that kind of sacrifice because I hate fish and what is up with the stick part anyway? That sounds like a recipe for disaster so I guess she’s better than I am. She just misses her twin. Too bad Lucas wasn’t the father of both of them so she wouldn’t have to deal with Enormous Jackass but where would that leave Rafe? Would there be a Rafe? That would be bleak indeed to be without Rafe since it was hard enough losing Luis along with all the other beloved characters from Passions.

I guess the poison works a little slower the second time around since Chloe finally passed out on the pier. Of course there was some confusion since fantasies can end up looking like the real thing. I’m well aware of that after all I did love Theresa and she had plenty of those. She dreamed about Daniel kissing her back to life. So who brought her to the hospital? Kate was shown on the pier talking to herself since soaps show that it’s okay to talk to yourself although you should be careful about what you talk to yourself about just in case someone overhears you having a chat with yourself.

So Kate’s plan is really coming together and Daniel wanting to leave is just icing on the cake since that’ll make him look guilty along with that bottle of poison in his apartment. Chloe really should have had a chat with Sami about Kate after all she knows all too well how horrible Kate can be. Nicole got off pretty easy since she was paid to marry Lucas while Kate framed Sami for murder which landed her on death row and only thanks to Lucas was saved. This time she’s more hands on in the destruction of her enemy so I have to wonder if it is partly because she’s pissed off that Daniel fell for someone else along with her incessant need to screw around with her son’s love life. She’d be best buddies with Stephanie from The Bold And The Beautiful.

I’m actually feeling bad for Chloe who has no clue what’s going on. Sure she should end things with Lucas but she is trying. That seizure didn’t look very fun. Yep that would go on the list of unfun things to do over the summer. It goes right up there with burning and the stupid heat melting your brain. And it isn’t good when she tells Lexie that she doesn’t want Daniel near her which of course is going to make Lexie think and jump to the conclusion that Kate wants her to jump too and Lucas is in Hong Kong or on the plane? What’s taking so long? Shouldn’t he be there already for like a week by now?

Melanie decides to do a little nudging to try to get Stephanie and Phillip back together by getting them to the cabin. What a not shocker Stephanie got the job at the hospital so she agrees to have lunch with Melanie on the island not realizing that Phillip was there. Hey he took his shirt off but of course he put it right back on when hello they realized they’d been set up. They did talk so who knows if they’ll get back together. I think he’d have to move out of the Kirakis mansion and choose Stephanie if he really wants to be with her but he has to make that choice on what’s more important. Nathan seemed a bit too eager about her getting the job since he hugged her too. I get Lexie and Maggie hugging her but she just met this guy. Do I smell a quadrangle in the works? Oh please don’t do that.

Mia and Will go out and they go to JavaWeb or whatever the hell the place is called. I think that’s the name but I’m not sure if it’s two words or one word and who cares since I don’t even like coffee. Kinsey or Bitch which she is happens to be there and oh crap stupid Chad is working. A little bit more about Mia and Chad unfolds. Was she being sarcastic in that flashback? Kinsey did call her tapioca but I think she’s just jealous because Mia’s prettier and nicer than her. She does tell Chad about her going to rehab and he smiled. What does he know? Is he turned on by that because she was say no to drugs before or what? I think he’s an idiot and Kinsey’s just a bitch. She’s not even an entertaining bitch. Sure Nicole’s a bitch but she can be amusing unlike this chick who is just so very blah.

Jacqui comes back and of course she didn’t find Russ since she came back alone. No Max with her of course not that I was expecting it. Cindy of course was her usual charming self. Well at least she admitted how stupid she was after all she’s a mother. The whole Tony and Cindy thing is just odd to me. She does enjoy the money.

So I guess two of the boys will be sharing a room with a bunkbed. Why not the attic? Didn’t they turn the attic into a room on The Brady Bunch. I guess it might be too cramped up there. Well Archie went up there since there was only one beer for the party that no one seems to be coming to and voila there’s a bunch of money up there. It makes me want to find the attic and take a look around myself. Maybe I’ll get lucky. Probably not because I’m thinking most attics aren’t full of money although that would be pretty cool.

Mike suggests Ste and Lucas move in with him which is a good idea. Mike is trying with him and it is hard being a single parent. I’m sure Mike wasn’t much older when he had Sarah although he did have Cathy at the time. Is he not looking after Leah? Did she get stuffed into a closet somewhere like they sometimes do with kids? Who knows she might be supersized the next time she’s spotted. Do they do that on British soaps? I wouldn’t know since this would be the only one I actually watch. So he agrees to give it a go but of course that doesn’t fit with Daniel and Abi’s plan because they want to  bring Ste down so he’ll hand over the baby and of course I’m sure they’ll get a nice payment for that.

Daniel ends up asking Ste to move in with him and Abi and he agrees. Such a bad move although he might actually get some sleep because I’m sure the calls will magically stop since they are obviously behind them at least I’m pretty sure they are. The whole friendship angle is fake because they’re just preying on him. Ste isn’t a  bad guy and he’s getting back on track which of course isn’t good if you’re trying to steal his baby.

Steph tries to help Dom out but it totally backfires. She kisses him where Loretta can see and she’s the one that set up a meeting between Loretta and Darren but of course Darren didn’t know about that. Of course in an ironic twist Dom comes outside and Loretta ends up locking lips with Darren. Why couldn’t Steph just lose the kissing part since the rest of the plan was fine? Now Loretta thinks Dom is with Steph but at least Darren got slapped when he wanted to bring Loretta back to his place. He did mention Hannah though. So much for his undying love for her. He got over that pretty quick.