Dishing The Soaps!

So the little bite sized episodes continue and this would be number 7 so over halfway done. I’m still trying to figure out what Gilly was talking about. More drinking and they try to go back to that pub or club or whatever you call it in England but the bouncer isn’t too keen on that after all he’s the guy that sent Gilly down the steps. You could at least apologize to him dude.

So Gabby at least I think that’s Gabby comes up saying that Josh is with her. Aw that sweets but oops the cat is out of the bag about the crabs. Yes she’s been outted as having crabs but hey you’re not the only one after all the McQueens ended up with crabs which wasn’t fun at all and I’m wondering if she caught it from Pippa after all she was scratching herself and she hasn’t been seen since at least I don’t think I’ve seen her since that image of her scratching herself might have scarred me for life and affected my memory. Another fun night and ooh it looks like there’s a cat fight on the way but how much of one can there be when the thing doesn’t even last five minutes?

Oh Rafe I want to see your secret spot. Am I the only one whose mind went to the gutter? Yes taking the shirt off is good so thank you very much Rafe for volunteering this time around. Sadly Brady has his shirt on the whole time. It should be a rule that fixing the AC requires the removal of the shirt especially when you look like that. Hey why did he have his shirt back on when he fell? I wouldn’t leave the ladder Rafe but she did tell you she was getting a drink. Thankfully he wasn’t hurt. Hell I’ve fallen myself so I’m no stranger to that at all which includes falling while going upstairs.

I wonder what Ari is hiding since she certainly is and with that mystery caller. Was she lying about why she can’t get involved with Brady? Hell when she was talking to herself she did mention what a great guy he is and hello he isn’t afraid to take the shirt off either. Yes I notice things like that so I thank him for that too. Boys could you help a fellow hottie that’s afraid to take his shirt off? Yes he left Salem and developed this phobia and hey Brady he’s even related to you since I’m talking about Eric Brady himself now known as Dean Winchester. Any help you could provide would make many fangirls and hell I’m sure fanboys too very happy.

Maybe Ari has a split personality since she can be nice and you start thinking maybe she isn’t so bad and next thing you know you’re back to thinking what a total bitch. She had no reason to bite off Melanie’s head like that. Like Phillip and Stephanie said her heart was in the right place. Is it so wrong for her to try to get two people who in the case of Stephanie and Phillip are in love with each other and in the case of Ari and Brady are interested in each other? I don’t think so at all so yes you’re a bitch and I don’t like you. Sure I wasn’t crazy about Melanie either at first but she’s grown on me. As for you growing on me don’t count your breath since I never liked Enormous Jackass and who knows you might earn a name too but what that would be I’m just not sure at this point.

So Rafe and Sami decide to have a picnic and Sami wants to show him her secret spot. I wouldn’t mind seeing Rafe’s secret spot. Oh come on you know your mind went into the gutter too. But oh crap this secret spot isn’t so secret what with that chick showing up calling out Emily’s name a sister perhaps. And Rafe recognized the place too. Uh oh I think his secret spot and her secret spot are the same spot but apparently their spots never crossed while they were spotting. Huh?

Chad is a little jackass. If he had a British accent I’d wonder if he Junior Jackass or maybe Cad Jackass. He is such a little shit that I wanted to smack him. He isn’t buying the whole junkie thing and he’s right but of course Mia doesn’t want him to find out the truth. The poor thing thinks it’s better if everyone thinks she’s a junkie instead of a teenage mother. She should talk to Sami about that after all she was a teen mom herself hence her kid being in high school. How freaky but there was a girl in junior high that had a kid so that kid would be out of high school and probably in college.

Chad’s just coming off as a total stalker which isn’t exactly a winning quality in a guy and he’s being mean to Will. Only I get to say things about Will like his hair if I need a giggle. And hey that’s Will’s friend that has a crush on him. Okay I’m not sure if he does but it certainly seems like it. Of course if Kinsey and Chad are going I’m thinking Will won’t want to and Mia didn’t help any by wanting to go home which allowed Chad to gloat. Dude I didn’t see her giving you her undying love and asking you to take her home. She has a lot going on since old feelings are probably being stirred up and of course there’s the baby. And Chad’s saying that Mia just isn’t that into Will just made me cringe. Here’s a thought bonehead maybe she wants to take things slow after getting knocked up and ditched by her so called boyfriend that comes back a year and a half later acting all stalkery.

Wow Enormous Jackass made it through the whole episode without shouting. I’m shocked and amazed. I had no idea he could do that. I’m sure James was relieved to get a break since yelling leads to a sore throat which of course isn’t a fun thing. I want him to find out about the baby and how his precious wife and father both lied to him. Will his head explode? Maybe his head will spin around and he’ll turn red and go completely insane. Is it wrong that I’m looking forward to that? And what does he mean he’ll take care of Samantha and Rafael. Has he been hanging out with Celeste? Well she always uses the whole name too and Enormous Jackass does too. Leave them alone old man. Go choke on a cigar.

Poor Sami I’d be upset too if I found Rafe lying on the floor. Of course she’s going to be extra emotional since she just lost her daughter and had that lawsuit crap to deal with. No I don’t want Rafe hurt either. Pay attention to the rules of the Hottie Handbook. Yes I’m that much of a dork and have it on my website. See hugging hot and sweaty Rafe isn’t such a bad thing is it? I still feel cheated that once again Rafe took a shower without me being able to enjoy it. I’m starting to doubt the existence of the shower since I think I’m going to need some verification about the actual shower being there.

Now I’m not sure about anyone else but I don’t think I’d be doing much thinking or speaking for that matter while hottie Owen’s nibbling on me but Jackie managed. She suspects that Stephanie is up to something and duh you would be right even Owen knows that. See it is possible to be pretty and smart. Well Pam will make the office more interesting. So she does a little snooping and finds out that Stephanie is hoping that Whip will keep Brooke occupied.

I just wanted to smack Boob. He’s such an idiot. Sure you were running after Brooke just the other day but now you’re all cozy with Boobess now. Okay I get that he enjoys spending time with his kids but guess what you don’t have to live with them to spend time with them. So he’s just showing what an idiot he is. If he had a working brain cell he would have stayed alone at the guest house to try to think things through. Is someone brainwashed into thinking he should stay with Boobess so he can make Mommy happy? That’s just sad all around but I don’t care about this moron.

Damn I had to suffer Boob and got no shirtless Owen. Okay he had his shirt partially undone so I got some teasing porn but I need more when I have to put up with Boob. And why hasn’t Boobette 2 seen Rick since the whole Mommy and Daddy are blissfully back together? Brooke find someone else but of course she won’t because he’s some huge prize. I can’t see it and think both her and Boobess are stupid for wanting this moron. Him and Eric are two peas in a pod. Oh god please don’t start using honey.

I’m not so sure that Stephanie’s plan will work. Sure Whip came over and he’s charming but does Stephanie really think that throwing a guy at her will stop her from getting back Boob? She should know by now that you’ll never get rid of Brooke because she loves Boob. Why I have no clue because I don’t find him the least bit appealing. Whip might be disappointed when he gets turned down. At least I have a name to make fun of so yes I’ve thought of another weird random soap related thought that I’ll be posting at Twitter.

Poor Elliot is stuck on the bottom bunk but at least Michaela isn’t around. Of course it can’t be fun waking up to Zak farting and picking at his ass followed by purple dust clouds. Funny I thought fart clouds would be brown. Anyhoo that did inspire me to write a crackfic that should be up at my website. Maybe farts have auras. I guess that’s possible.

Lelia ends up getting arrested for drawing on the sidewalk. I’m not sure why she was doing that but I don’t get why she was arrested. It looked like she was using chalk and kids do that on the sidewalk and I don’t see them getting arrested. What they need to do is arrest the idiots that ride bikes on sidewalks so I don’t have to make a stand for walkers by pointing out the bike rider’s stupidity in being on the sidewalk. So Elliot steals some of the money to pay the fine but it turns out she got off with a warning.

The so called thief has been revealed and he had a good reason for it. Of course Lelia is worried about Elliot’s karma. I think he can be forgiven. Archie is nuts but at least he’s an entertaining type of nuts. How did he get into the couch? Yes he was hiding in the couch and set a booby trap on the money back. At least he was smart enough to have the ink outside so it just got on the person and in this case it would be Zak who came back to count it.

He followed Kris around and showed that he would make a sucky PI because Kris knew he was there. You’d have to be dumb not to notice that. I wonder if he took lessons from Darren. Yes they were both really bad at the following thing. That was funny though when Elliot snuck over to the bag of money to put the money back where Archie and Zak were snoozing and put Zak’s arm around Archie.

Both Newt and Lauren end up working for Ass oops I mean Ash. Newt decides to invite Theresa over for tea and Steph gives her approval but no name is ever mentioned so Frankie assumes it’s Lauren so she invites her over and Lauren being Lauren goes over there. And wow Calvin finally notices he has another sister when he shows that he isn’t too thrilled about Lauren working for Ass.

When Newt tells Theresa about coming over for tea she freaks about because she’s see through. Huh? Am I missing something again and what is the deal with inviting people over for tea? It looked more like dinner or possibly lunch. How long did Newt work anyway since that seemed to be awfully quick. And when did Frankie start liking Lauren. They made such a big fuss over Lauren and Newt so I find it odd that she’s all chatty and doing dishes with her and why would Theresa want to do the dishes anyway? Think of it as Frankie giving you some time alone well as alone as you can be with her and Lauren in the other room. Lauren ends up getting her feelings hurt and runs off. Well she should have known better than to go over there because she had to know what was going to happen. And hey Steph in case you haven’t noticed Anita’s gorgeous too.

And eew I wouldn’t want to live with Archie. He doesn’t flush. Sure he claims that he didn’t want to wake anyone up since the walls are so thin but come on do you expect me to believe that you’re quiet when you’re dropping a load or whatever you want to call it. I wonder what they call it in British. Well a dump here might be something different there or maybe they say number two if they don’t want to come out and say shit or poo. Also wash your hands too after using the bathroom or Kris will put his foot up your rear end.