Dishing The Soaps!

Can I be next? Sami caught Rafe in the hallway as he was walking away to go off and finally get that DNA test done. Instead Sami and Rafe started kissing so they took it inside. There was some talking and Rafe said he had to go but he ended up staying which means the shirt came off. I thank you for that. Hey when you’re that hot it is your duty to take the shirt off.

He wanted Sami to trust him and of course me being the insane girl that I am I told him I trusted him. I get why he doesn’t want to tell her. Oh stop it Rafe you’re distracting me. It’s a good thing he isn’t shirtless but hey he’s working the leather porn. Now where was I? They end up on the couch and oops Sami finally mentions having a roommate. Good thing Nicole didn’t come in. Rafe leaves so he can finally have that DNA test and tells her that it’s about their future. He said future which is a good sign. Please oh please let us see him in some good shower porn. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Another one working some leather porn is Brady. Yes I have porn on the brain and the list is getting bigger at my website. You can check it for yourself if you don’t believe me. Poor Ari is in quite a bind since Brady knows about her being a drug dealer. Damn I thought she was going to tell him. That boy is so hot when he’s all pissed off and unlike Enormo I liked his finger pointing. Brady you can point your finger at me any time you like. I didn’t know she was living above the pub.

Brady takes off and she goes after him. Roman’s there and Brady makes a comment about knowing who’s working at his family’s pub. Um why do they make Brady forget that he’s actually related to the Brady clan. Roman is his second cousin I think and Caroline would be his great aunt. Ari wants to quit but Roman threatens her with jail if she stops dealing. What a pickle and damn I really want to know why she went to jail. I’m assuming she was using and got caught. She just doesn’t seem to be some hardcore criminal type. And poor Brady thinks he’s stupid. Sweetie you are so not stupid. I just wish she’d tell him after all he’d keep a secret and he’d know that she has a good reason for dealing.

 The whole Hagster and Carly meeting was just odd. It was like Hagster didn’t know who Carly was and then she did. Okay I get not knowing who was in the bed since the light was off but once it was on she still didn’t know who it was. That bitch is so going to call the cops. Carly did explain things and once again the bitch got all pissed off. She seems to have forgotten that she left the house and took Ciara with her which is the only reason Bo let Carly stay there. If his family was there he would have had her stay somewhere else but don’t try to explain that to bitchy Hagster.

I do agree that Carly’s hiding something. She almost slipped and said I believe it was someone. I doubt that it’s Nicky that she’s talking about. Now I would love it if Victor Webster came back. Sure he’s on Melrose Place but he’s just not on enough for me although I was digging the plaid porn. Justin agrees to be his lawyer but he wants her to tell him everything but Carly says she’s told him all she can tell him. So that pretty much confirms that she’s hiding something. 

I do love having Vivian back although once again she’s after Carly. Damn I bet she hates that Larry dug her up when she buried her alive because he’d be alive right now if he’d just let her die in that coffin. Who I’m not loving would be Gus. Sure he can say Madame pretty much right but I just don’t like him. The magic just isn’t there and I want him to turn into Ivan. When he asked her if she wanted anything or something like that I asked him to turn into Ivan but sadly he didn’t. What happened to Ivan? They were traveling around the world after he won the lottery. So where is he?

The goons came through and Vivian now knows that Carly’s in Salem. Well it isn’t such a stretch after all Bo would be someone she’d go to for help. But what about Frankie? Um I’m pretty sure he’s a lawyer right? Maybe he’s not the right kind of lawyer. I wonder if they’d bring him back so she could at least have one family member. I am dying to know what the deal is with Larry. Okay he was sick and was evil but he wasn’t exactly Mr Wonderful before. Nope I never really liked him. If I’m not mistaken didn’t he rape Jennifer when she was pretending to be Katerina? Well at least he didn’t rape her since I don’t get those pairings at all.

And while I do enjoy Victor I don’t like it when he wants to put the blame on Bo. Bo didn’t do anything wrong. Hagster’s the bad guy for taking Ciara away because the shrink supposedly said so. Did the shrink say she should take her daughter and deprive her of a loving father? I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen. Bo could have gone with her if Ciara needed a change of scenery. She’s just being a bitch and I still can’t figure out what these so called problems are. I’m surprised she said she’d give Carly and Bo twenty-four hours. Sure I get her being surprised to find someone in her bed but come on bitch it’s not like she was in bed with Bo and he’s the one that suggested she sleep in that room since it’s the most secure.

I think once again the name’s gone over my head. That’s just further proof that lack of oxygen to the brain is making me dumber by the day. Now David’s remembering that night and it is looking like he’s the one that killed Sydney. Am I confused but wasn’t Auggie taking a bloody shower on that night? David remembered waking up with the bloody knife and he ran off to bury it in an empty lot.

The cop is still bugging David but he wants Ella at least as an accessory since I’m guessing he likes the PI for the murder. Who knows if he actually has anything. He wants David to tell him that he wasn’t with Ella which would be a lie since he was at least for part of the evening.

Jonah ended up having a good time with what’s her face. It took an hour for him to actually fess up to being engaged but that was after they kissed. But he felt so bad about it that he told Riley right away unlike her. She felt it wasn’t worth mentioning which makes you wonder. If it wasn’t a big deal why did she bother to keep it a big secret and not mention it when she was given the chance. I sense the end of these two and I have to admit that I’m not sorry about that since I still don’t like Riley. Now I wouldn’t mind her leaving. Is he really ready to take the plunge? I don’t want him doing any plunging with her. Okay that just sounds dirty.

Auggie makes some dish and I wonder if thyme is always pronounced so weirdly because that’s not how I say it. Marcello is such an asshole. He claimed he didn’t like it and that he wouldn’t add it to the menu but when that guy showed up he pretended like it was his creation. I guess all bigwig cooks are major assholes. Sure he’s cute but he’s such a dick. I’m not going to eat something called coos coos or whatever the hell it was. It sounded like that so I’m not sure about the spelling since that can’t be the spelling or is it? Who knows sometimes I surprise myself and spell something right that I’m unsure of.

Oops Lauren isn’t too smart leaving her hooking money in the closet where her roomie can just find it when she’s snooping around. I wonder if the doctor she was talking about Lauren potentially sleeping with was Michael after all he’s married and this wouldn’t be the first time he’s cheating on one of his many wives. Yesterday I watched the very first episode and Michael was so sweet back then.

Caleb was working the plaid porn. Wow color me shocked when Ella suggested telling the truth. Say what? She couldn’t get Lauren to change the form to make it look like the guy who overdosed on coke actually had an allergic reaction to penicillin. Shit if you offer me fifty thousand dollars I’ll do it but that would first require airfare. Hell I’d have said yes at the couple thousand. How ironic that she’s hooking which I’m pretty sure would also be a felony but she turns down Ella’s generous offer to get some money to pay her tuition. Maybe she likes the hooking. Damn I wish I had fifty grand for walking around money for a week. Hell I’d be fine with that for a month even. Right on Ella for standing up for your friend the doctor not the nurse as Caleb kept calling her. Not nice dude even if you are incredibly hot.

David does have a motive for killing Sydney. He wonders if he might have done it. Well he did figure out that Sydney targeted him at the cemetery when he was visiting his mother I think. And he did wake up in bed with a bloody knife. So now I’m confused. Um didn’t Auggie have a bloody shower in the first episode? I thought he was the one that did it. But I do wonder who took the bloody knife that he buried in that empty lot. Good thing no one saw him because how would he explain himself digging like an insane person.

While I agree that Marcello deserves to be punched I think Auggie went a little overboard. I agree with Violet in the whole food plagiarism thing but I guess when you aren’t the cooking guy in charge you get screwed over just as often as the top dude wants to. And I do agree that Auggie and Riley do the whole googley eyes thing so he was right about that but Auggie lost it when Marcello was his regular jackass self. Oops I don’t think we should be hanging out anymore but hey Violet is very much into getting more up close and personal with Auggie.

Riley goes with Jonah to film a wedding. I guess you can tell when soemthing is bothering Jonah because he doesn’t stop for the comic book stores. He ends up confessing about the kiss because he feels like crap. Please put a fork in Riley this should be done because I just don’t like her. But I have to admit that I hate Annie even more. I guess it’s more boredom and annoyance with this chick while with Annie it’s just seething hatred. Who knows she might grow on me? Maybe not but I’ve surprised myself with ending up liking someone that I originally didn’t like if that makes any sense at all.

I guess Jonah doesn’t want a band at his wedding. He does have a point. Is it wrong that I’m hoping there isn’t a wedding? Hell Ella has a thing for him and I love her unlike Riley who just bores me to tears. So was I the only one that was actually bored by this wedding? I guess I’d only start crying if the thing didn’t end. But which career are you talking about Lauren?

Marcello or however the hell you spell it is a total dick. I do agree with that. I’d suggest Shooters if he wants to look for another job. Does Violet ever sleep with someone that wasn’t involved with her mother? Is she going to go after David next? Okay they haven’t revealed whether or not Auggie slept with her but of course she slept with Michael. So is she really the daughter or not? Oops who dug up the knife? Was it Auggie? Now the knife is off to the lab.

Gee what a not shock that Riley gets all bitchy. He didn’t ask her to stop seeing Auggie that was all her. And she shouldn’t be expecting him to give up Kendra especially when she’s business for him. He shouldn’t have to give up a chance to get his movie out there. No sweetie Riley sucks and fighting with her sucks double since she’s just annoying. I think he might be annoyed with her too. Too bad there isn’t a slap button because I’d be slapping her around a bit.

It was pretty dull in the village today. Anita’s all upset and crying in the toilet. Well Lauren was a bit harsh even though what she said was true. Lauren only realized who it was when she saw Anita’s shoes and she did ask her if she was okay. Not eating my ass she was eating while she was crying on the toilet.

Dom and Cindy butt heads again. I’d have to say I agree with Dom because he should be in charge so Cindy should have to listen to him. I guess she’s getting bored with her marriage but that’s the price you pay when you don’t love the guy you’re married to and only married him for his money although when you think about it the guy isn’t exactly Mr Big Bucks. Sure he has a restaurant but hello he lives in a flat with his brother so he’s not exactly living the high life unless they don’t have mansions in Hollyoaks.

Mercedes not thrilled with her marriage either. It’s been a year and she just wants to get laid. She ends up talking to Calvin which was kind of weird. I have to say I wasn’t really all that surprised that she killed Calvin. The guy is cute and this wouldn’t be the first time she’s done something with one of her sisters guys. At least she didn’t sleep with him and felt guilty about it. Now poor Mal feels like he doesn’t deserve her and probably thinks she’s mad at him because she decided to sleep on the couch. You got that flipped around sweetie because if anyone doesn’t deserve the other it would be Mal. She just reminds me a bit of Anya or am I being crazy and not making sense again?

So because of her idea Boobette 2 gets a promotion. Now she has Katie’s old job and will she go after Bill as her first assignment. If he is plotting their downfall he’s certainly playing it close to the vest since it does seem like he wants to get the company back on top and get everyone working together plus I really think he does love Katie although he doesn’t want to look at invitations and taste cakes. What is wrong with chocolate cake? Is there some law saying a wedding cake has to be white? Why can’t they have chocolate? Is brown a bad wedding color? It would certainly taste better.

If you’re going to have someone in the steam room please have it be someone I actually want to see because I’d prefer Boob fully dressed. So if you must put someone hot in the room instead of having to do that. I had to close my eyes. Hey I was eating lunch. Bill can go in there but please change the locks so Boob can’t go in there. And of course I’d love to see Owen in the steam room since he’s yummy unlike Boob who’s just a Boob that isn’t the least bit appealing to me. At least he’s sticking with the one woman for the time being anyway.

Since Owen found this agency Nick and Bridget wanted to ask him about it. Everything seemed fine until Bridget found this perfect seeming chick named Sandra who likes some of the same things as Bridget. Well that makes sense to have something in common after all this person will be part of their lives for the better part of a year. But when Andrea went to set things up she called this person whose real name is Agnes. The place was full of stuffed animals so my senses are tingling. I really hope Owen isn’t in on this but there’s something wrong about this chick and who in the world is this Agnes person? Oh crap there isn’t going to be another baby storyline? I already had a baby stealing storyline on Hollyoaks and there’s the baby switch on Days. Please don’t make me go through another one. Have someone possessed by Satan or something more interesting than some stupid baby storyline.

So Victor told Brady and he got pissed off. Damn is it just me that finds it hot when a hot guy says, “Son of a bitch” which seems to be happening a lot lately? He goes off to find Ari because he wants to know the truth. He does remember that time he found coke in the pub. Oops looks like someone has some explaining to do. And I’d like to know what’s going on too. Sure Sami will want to strangle her when the whole truth comes out but I’d say that Mia would be entitled to a piece of her too.

Sami went home and hello Rafe’s just walking out the door. I’m just glad she’s finally seen him. Sure I get not wanting to tell her until he has the DNA results but that doesn’t mean he has to hide from her. Obviously he loves her otherwise he wouldn’t have gone through everything to prove that her baby didn’t die. I’m just glad he’s recovered although I’m still hoping for some shower porn. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Why can’t we see him take the shower? It’s not like I’ve never seen him doing shower porn although he was someone else at the time.

Since Rafe doesn’t want anyone to know until he has the test results he wants Sami to remain in the dark about him being back in town. He sneaks over to Sami’s place and luckily she still has her key conveniently located. She’s just lucky people aren’t going in and out of her place all the time although you’d have to be the right height to get the key. He hit the jackpot because he was able to grab Sydney’s teething ring but Nicole came back before he could leave. Luckily she ended up leaving and going over to see Repulso.

Ari calls Sami who was with Mia at the time saying she needed to talk to her. Of course this was to make sure she didn’t go home to find Rafe. Sami did yell at Mia a bit but it was more of her being a protective mom rather than someone judging her. I feel so bad for the poor kid because she isn’t a slut but she has to pretend she is to protect who she thinks is her baby. That is just so very cruel of Nicole to do that and hell Nauseating doesn’t deserve that either since he should know his daughter is dead. Of course Nicole doesn’t feel bad enough to tell the truth.

When Sami got to Ari’s place she noticed Rafe’s hat. Ari was forced to come up with some lame story about Caroline working too hard and Sami talking to her about retiring. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve seen her around. She really isn’t much of a liar since the lie about getting confused on the phone really went nowhere. And then Brady came which was Sami’s cue to leave because she’s seen that look on his face. Ari wanted her to stay. Well if she’s smart she’ll just come clean about everything and that she’s actually undercover.

Looks like little Ciara knows that Mommy’s being a bitch. She’s working on some school project where she puts down what she’s grateful for and Hagster isn’t included because she took her away from Daddy and she’s mean. I didn’t like the use of witch but I’ll let it pass. It is cruel to take a little girl away from her father especially when the father’s a good man like Bo. He doesn’t deserve that but Justin worked his magic with his stupid phone ap that allowed her to take a picture of Mommy and make her look all weird like a fun house mirror. Why didn’t they show the picture? Why would you want that look anyway?

Carly mentions wanting to contact Justin after all he’s a lawyer and I have to say thank the gods she didn’t mention Mickey who has to be the worst lawyer ever. What happened to him anyway? He just disappeared and briefly resurfaced as Edward Quartermaine but now he’s AWOL again and that dude is back to being Edward where he belongs. What happened to I want to say John? That is the right name I think. I do know he’s Melinda’s father at least I think he is. I think she played Faith ironically and the next time I saw her she was crazy Valasca.

Since Bo knows he can’t stop Carly he suggests going to him to set things up. So he goes over to talk to Justin. Right on Bo he didn’t flip out about the picture and allowed Justin to explain things. While Bo was out he told Carly to go sleep in his room since it’s the most secure. Uh oh and Hope who was urged by Victor went home and ended up going upstairs. She was picking up a picture so she found someone sleeping in her bed. Oops although the preview didn’t make any sense since Carly asked what she was doing there. Um she lives or lived there and has stuff there so it isn’t crazy for her to be there while you on the other hand require some explaining. So now Justin knows that Carly’s back and hopefully he’ll be able to help her out before Vivian gets to town and buries Carly alive again or sends her new sidekick after her. Damn I want Ivan back.

Repluso attempts to talk Enormo into taking Nicole and Sydney back. He keeps going on about her not being his child. Hell even Repluso had kids that weren’t his biological kids but that didn’t stop him from being a father to them. Sure they all ended up seriously screwed up or dead but still he accepted them as family. Damn how many kids does this guy have and how many were adopted? I wonder where Kristin is and what about Susan? And I don’t like it when Repulso calls Sami a bitch. He just doesn’t like anyone standing up to him especially a girl. He really seems to have a memory problem since he doesn’t seem to remember all the shit he’s put her family through. Come on how many times was Marlena supposedly dead and taken away from Sami along with her father and then John showing up as her father only to not be her father but her cousin? It’s a wonder she’s not in a loony bin after all that craziness.

I’m not sure if that was a good idea for Mia to go to Will and ask if he could forgive her. Now I think he might be able to but this wouldn’t be the time to be asking. The poor guy is crushed so now would be a bad time to ask. It looks like Lucas knows what’s going on with her since Will was talking to him on the phone. That just sucks because Mia didn’t do anything wrong yet she’s being cast as the villain all to protect a child that isn’t even hers.